Erik: Interview with a Baby

just a few hours in--contemplating the new job

E. S. James appeared on the scene a week ago today, humbly taking the position of first born son of Michael and Amanda James.  His arrival has caused quite a stir in his world, including early mornings and sleepless nights, not to mention more trash bags on the curb.  But who exactly is E.S. James and how is he settling into his position as a newborn baby?  Mr. James gives us a glimpse in his first ever interview, exclusively at Creating Wordlenik. 


CW: Mr. James…
ESJ: please, call me Erik, or Shep.  That’s what my friends call me.
CW: Ok, Shep, thank you for taking the time to answer a few questions.  So, what’s a typical day in the life of a one week old baby?
ESJ: Oh-a typical day---Hmmm…they all seem to run together…like one never ending journey around the clock. The hands just keep spinning around and spinning around.  I don’t even know what today is—Tuesday, Saturday, Monday?? All I really know is I eat, have a diaper change, and sleep—then repeat.
CW:  I know it's only been a week, but have you noticed any problems in this role, and if so, how do you address them? 
ESJ:  The biggest problem is language barrier.  Nobody seems to be able to speak Shep.  One must be pretty small starting out and extremely cute.  It helps when communications are down.  If you can do this, you’re starting off right.
CW: What would you say is your biggest challenge?
ESJ:  Well, a week ago I went from warm and cozy to cold and noisy.  Mom and Dad are the just the finest people.  You’d really like them.  In fact, it was the first time I met Mom—I remember I was so cold and scared.  Then I heard her talking and it sounded so familiar.  I took to her immediately.   And digestion can be troublesome.  By this I mean not only as absorption of food as it moves through my system, which is troubling at times, but also the ability to digest knowledge—gaining understanding, along with weight.
CW:  What advice would you give to overcome the challenge?
ESJ:  You have to be flexible.  If you’re not flexible, or made of rubber, things might not go so good.  That’s all I’ll say on that. 
CW:  Ok well, what would you consider to be a successful first year in this position?
ESJ: A successful first year I would consider making it without being dropped. In this day and age you’re more likely to be let go than held on to.  At least that’s what Mom and Dad have talked about. Scary!
CW: How would you measure this success?
ESJ:  In inches.  Then later, in feet and inches.
CW:  How well do you think you’re managing things?


48 hours and Cozy

ESJ: I think I manage things pretty well around here. I try to remain democratic.   Most stuff gets done naturally, without anything needing to be said.  But if I notice any slacking up in responsibility and duty, I sure don’t let things slide by. I feel confident in expressing my opinion on how things should be done. 
CW:  I understand there was someone else in this role?  Is this a position that has a high turnover rate? (ESJ pauses for a second, as if collecting his thoughts.)  I’m sorry.  Did I ask something wrong?  If you’d rather not answer…
ESJ:  Oh, no, it’s okay. It’s just a little difficult to talk about.  Yes, there was another.  It was my big little sister, Lily Renee.  As of  March, 2010, she held the position for 9 months, but then, in December, 2010, went to be with Jesus.  This was hard for everyone, as she was a great choice. I'm sorry I won't get to work with her here on earth.   As far as turnover rate I haven’t seen any conclusive data, but mom did say she would like a cherry turnover.  I’m not sure what that means.
CW:  Has there been anyone else outstanding who could be a mentor in your role?
ESJ:  Well, I didn’t know him while he served in this position, just stories of him.  But Jesus is the most outstanding example that comes to mind.  Mom told me the story of him just the other day.  He sounds pretty amazing.
CW: He definitely is.  You can't find a better example, though your family isn't bad either, especially cousin Bethie.  Well, Mr. Ja..I mean, Shep, your Mom seems to be indicating it’s time for dinner. 
ESJ:  Yes, she is. I need to let her think she’s in charge here, so I suppose we should wrap it up.
CW:  Is there anything you’d like to add that we haven’t talked about? 

ESJ: Just that I am extremely happy to be here...and glad for this opportunity to share some of my life story with you. We all have incredible potential, each and every one of us. I'm excited for this chance to prove myself and make my God and my parents proud.