2013 In Review

To Celebrate the Year 2013 I turn to Robert Frost
 

Into My Own

One of my wishes is that those dark trees,

So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,

Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,

But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day

Into their vastness I should steal away,

Fearless of ever finding open land,

Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,

Or those should not set forth upon my track

To overtake me, who should miss me here

And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew--

Only more sure of all I thought was true.

    
 
I'm Celebrating the End of 2013 knowing I am more sure of all I know to be true. 
It was a year of growth both in medicine and writing.  Spiritually, my faith was, and still is, being tested, and I'm growing closer to God and knowing the Holy Spirit is with me. 
 I feel ready to start 2014 as a continuation of that growth...
 

Zelda and a Zenith Moment

Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.
―    Zelda Fitzgerald

I’m late to a very important date with Z.  It’s been difficult because I wanted to do something nice with Z.  It’s such an underrated letter, yet it endures its position at the end of the alphabet with a quite elegance, waiting, knowing it will be the last letter heard.  It will be the enigma of alphabet and word challenges.  Z knows it's not like the other letters.  It doesn't even try. 

I think one of the reasons I was having trouble with Z was I was relating too much to it.   This past weekend was Jazz Festival in New Orleans. All my friends seemed to be going but nobody asked me. In the past we always went, but as people get married, start dating, they want to go with spouses or significant others, or they have to stay home with kids. It's not their fault. It's just what it is. Not only did nobody ask me to go with them I had to work Saturday and Sunday, resulting in me going to work 12 days in a row. Then, a coworker asked me what was I waiting for when I said I wasn't worried about getting married, like something was wrong with me.  (I loathe that question!)

Feel sorry for me? Don't. I only felt sorry for as long as it took to think about it. My Zenith moment was this: I'm not waiting for anything.  And as I took in a play and dinner out, I realized people think wrong.  I'm not alone. People miss out getting to spend time with me. I felt sorry for them as I had a lot of fun talking to strangers, peeking in a Hot L in Baltimore, and enjoying a tuna steak presented to me by a really cute waiter. (young men serving me seem to be a weakness of mine.)

I don't want to live. I want to love first and live incidentally.--Zelda F.



I love this of ZSF.  She looks confident and ready.

Another Zenith with Z was finding—again—Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald. For those who don’t know she was a writer in the early 1900’s and wife of F. Scott Fitzgerald.  I know we’d read of her in class, but only in passing, a mention of the “crazy wife of F. Scott.  On now to The Great Gatsby and The Sun Also Rises.”
Wait, slow down! I want to know more.  I feel cheated.  So, I’ve found this new novel about Zelda.  It’s called Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald.   I’m excited to start it.  I’ve been scanning articles about her and wonder why in school we didn’t get to learn more about such an interesting woman who obviously influenced one who’s considered a significant author of the 20^th century.  I say obviously because how could she not?
Like the letter that begins her name, Zelda seems to have been delegated to the end, waiting with a quiet elegance…how horrible would she find this!  A woman who lived to love and loved to live. 

I hate a room without an open suitcase...it all seems so permanent.--Zelda F.

Others find Z to be useless, difficult, or elusive, but that's only because Z's a strong letter that intimidates others with it's confidence and uniqueness.   The letter Z for me has been a letter of discovery, of encouragement. Z came just when I needed it.  Z is my reward for being patient and hanging in to the end.  Z is meeting new people and rediscovering old.

She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn't boring--Zelda F.

Z is at the end because it's the best saved for last and challenges me to make this not an ending but a new beginning...

Christine de Pizan, Challenges, Choices

from Collected Works of Christine de Pizan

 Maybe I just missed something but I'd venture to say that I'm not the only one who didn't learn about Christine de Pizan in history class.  I found her by accident while searching for something else. 
So, who was she? One of the earliest feminists, authors, poetesses, and single working mothers.  Being born to a prominent family in 1363 Italy gave her advantages that only partially helped with the challenges she faced in her life.  Check out Christine de Pizan  to learn about her. 
What interested me was that she didn't actually set out to do the things she did. She enjoyed learning and went along with her father's teachings.   She was in love with her husband.  She didn't plan on both men dying and thrusting her into a man's role at a time when women were little more than possessions.  She had to support herself and her family while trying to console her grief through writing.  As she met the challenges, she learned of injustices towards women and spoke out against them.  This lead to success in a world where women weren't welcomed with open arms.  She never remarried, as most women would at that time. Was it because she couldn't replace her lost love or just had too many other things to do?  I don't know.  Amazing, too, that she lived to be 96 years old--in the 1300s. She lived out the courage of her convictions in a big way. 
It was more than coincidence that I came upon Christine's challenging career choices.  I needed some encouragement.  In work and personal life I'm facing challenges.  It seems the more I take a proactive, positive stance, the more I'm met with resistance.  I've questioned myself more than once, as I imagine Christine did, but I've never been the one to take the common road and I certainly don't want to live against my convictions.
The problems aren't any easier in the 21st century than they were in the 14th, but if she can live to 96 years old after being a successful writer and single woman in the 1300's, then I'm encouraged to be up to my task in 2013.  I don't delude myself into thinking the challenges will be easy, but nothing worth having is attained without cost.
What challenges do you face?  What choices do you have to make in order to meet the challenge?  Who do you look to for encouragement? 
If you don't feel up to the task and start to question yourself,  do you give up or fake it until your confidence returns?   

Ok, I can't get by without saying my favorite C word:  Coffee. 

Tag--You're It!

Somebody has to be It...

A few weeks ago a friend and I were talking about how hard it is to find the right person.  I was talking about the kind of guys I like and using famous men as examples.  She said "yeah, like we have a chance with them." 
That statement's been bugging me since she said it because my response was "why not?" 
I mean, seriously, why not?
Somebody has to do it. 
What do the women who date them have that I don't?  Only proximity.  Their advantage is they are in a place where they can get to know these guys. My chosen career path doesn't put me in the same circles.  But if it did I'd have the same chance as they do.  I'm certainly not saying I'm better than them or that I'd even really want to date one of them.   What's to say they're even good enough for me? 
What I am saying is we all have something important to offer.  We're all good enough. 
My friend was selling herself short.  It's a common thing we do and I'm not sure why.  Where's the rule book that tells who the privileged people are and who gets to date them? 
It's not just in relationships.  What about careers?  Why does one have more prestige than another? I can say from personal experience that, while I love to watch a goalie make an awesome save, right now the most important person to me is the guy who knows how to get my truck running again. 
What about appearances?  Who says super skinny is sexy? Who says paying three times as much for something that only covers a tenth of my body is even smart, let alone fashionable? 
Why is a person good enough to entrust with kids' educations but not good enough for  someone who won an Academy Award? 
Who makes these crazy rules? 
 I'm not terribly impressed with merely being famous.  It's not in what you do but how you do it.  Give me integrity, courage, and confidence any day. 
Don't settle for less than the best.  Don't let others try to impose rules that limit you.
Somebody has to write the next best seller.  Somebody has to make the next birdie. And somebody has to date those who do these things.
Why not me? Why not you? 

Tag.  You're it!