Second Weddings..and thirds..and fourths...and....i-phones

I recently went to a wedding more out of curiosity than anything.  (I had received an invitation so I was good.)  It was his second wedding.  I'm not sure about her.  I only know her by reputation. 
So, I'm sitting there thinking "wow, look at all the money they spent.  This is more than his first marriage.  They could feed Bangladesh for a month."  I'm thinking of poor starving children and didn't realize we were standing for the bride until the lady on my right nudged me and glared.  Apparently sitting for the bride is one of those Cardinal Sins.
Now, remember, I know this girl by reputation.  Seriously, white?  I quickly pull out my phone and commit another wedding transgression:  I look up the rules for wearing a white wedding dress.  In this tradition I'm going to have to cut her some slack.  White dresses aren't necessarily for purity.  It was a tradition made popular by Queen Victoria and signified wealth since only rich folks could afford to wear a dress that you'd only wear once and was easy to get dirty.  It took American capitalism to make white wedding dresses into a billion dollar industry..much like Halloween. 
Now I could buy that.  I mean, she must be marrying a rich guy.  He can afford her and an ex-wife.  At least she didn't wear a veil.  That would be a greater wedding faux-pas than watching Weird Al videos while they're lighting the Unity candle.
I know the wedding police to my right was not amused, but I made the guy on my left laugh.  When the groom said "Love, honor, cherish as long as we both shall live"  I had to whisper  "Yeah, like I haven't heard that before."  His wife wasn't amused either.
The day wasn't a total loss.  They actually had white wedding cake:  the real reason why people come to weddings.  And there were corn dogs on the buffet.   I learned not to look up things or text while being a part of the wedding video.

Cardinal Sin

I have another friend who is planning her second wedding.  My advice to her?  Don't waste your time on a wedding.  Save you money and in ten years have a "we actually made it this long" party.  I'd come to that. That way if you divorce again you won't be out a bunch of money and you didn't make your good friends wear ugly bridesmaid dresses. 
My other advice on weddings.  Bring your iPhone. You know you're going to want to look up something.  You could always say you're taking pictures. 

And, just so you know, there was a Cardinal named Sin.  How great is that?  His first name was Jaime.